Shame

A person covers their face with their hands as if in shame.

I'm reading George Takei's They Called Us Enemy. On page 140 he writes, "As with many traumatic experiences, they were anguished by their memories and haunted by shame...for something that wasn't their fault. Shame is a cruel thing. It should rest on the perpetrators...but they don't carry it the way the victims do."

Shame is incredibly hard to deal with and something that I continue to work on with my therapist. Moments where I've felt ashamed were often ones instigated by the behavior of others towards me. Yet, I internalized what others said about me or took their actions to mean that I was unworthy or unlikeable. I took the brunt of the memory and emotion in a way that continued to negatively impact my self-image and core beliefs. A prior therapist told me I need to work on getting mad. In general I say I'm often not mad, but disappointed or frustrated. But rarely was I disappointed with the behavior of the instigating individual but rather with myself. Working to get mad has helped me recognize the role outside parties played and to not internalize those experiences as core beliefs. I have control over my emotions and am working on choosing to define my core beliefs positively and for myself, to not assume fault for the words or actions of others.

I support you in working on your own journeys to deal with shame and encourage you to get mad at the injustices that lead you to carry too much weight.